Friends and family beware: SQUASH ATTACK

The wind and hail can batter my berries and strip my fruit trees. The sun and unrelenting heat can cook my tomatoes and boil my corn, but nothing -- absolutely nothing -- will stand in the way of summer squash.

I grew my squash plants from seed this year, thinking most wouldn't make it. They all did. I didn't plant all of them, but everyone that I did plant is bursting forth with yellow squash.

Fair warning. If you see me coming with a sack in my hand, turn and run for your life.

"Jack and the Beanstalk" should be rewritten as "Jack and the Squash Plant." I'm certain that squash is related to kudzu.

Then. Just when you think it's safe to go out in the garden -- ZUCCHINI.

Our latest visitor

Pulling into my driveway this morning, I looked up ahead and thought I had another short limb down from a tree. Then it moved on me.

Closer inspection revealed an unusually large snapping turtle. I estimate it weighed 10-12 pounds. When I picked it up, it disproved the axiom "as slow as a turtle." In a lightning move, it flexed its neck and grazed one of my fingers.

Read what Wikipedia says: "The common snapping turtle is not an ideal pet. Its neck is very flexible, and the turtle can bite its handler even if picked up by the sides of its shell. The turtle can amputate a finger with its powerful jaws." Remind me to consult Wikipedia before picking up live animals.

When I scratched one side of its back with a stick, it would tilt to that side, and then do the same thing on the other side. Betty got a video of the "turtle dance," but I'm too much of a turtle brain to figure out how to upload it on this site.

When we finally got out of its way, the turtle moseyed on down the drive and then slid into Deerfield Creek.

A pox on our house

In South Louisiana cypress siding is used on homes because of its indestructibility. The siding might look as if it was put up yesterday but can be more than 100 years old.

While cypress stands up well against moisture and bug infestation, it's no match for the hail storm we had two weeks ago. You can see in the photo that it looks as if someone dabbed a brush in white paint and stippled our house.

I guess I know now what I'll be doing this fall.

The cleanup continues

This is the storm debris gathered from one small corner in the woods in front of our house. The woods in back of our house was littered with pieces of vinyl, roofing materials and small pits of paper, including old receipts and what looked to be somebody's homework.

So, instead of the dog-ate-my-homework excuse, try "the tornado blew it away."

Two weeks to remember

When I left for the Vawter House renovation on April 25, Prince William was happily single, Osama Bin Laden was merrily clicking away on his remote and my blueberry bushes were full of leaves, blooms and small berries.

You know what happened to the Prince and Osama, so take a look at the photo of one of the blueberry bushes -- stripped to the bone by the massive hail storm and high winds. We also had several thousand dollars worth of damage to the house, but we are better off than many of our neighbors. Certainly, I shouldn't complain after what happened in Alabama and the flooding in Memphis. It will take a while, but we will get everything shipshape here.

Renovation of the Vawter House was, in a word, intense. While battling a flooded cellar, my cousins and I were able to finish all the rooms in the house that will have furniture. We only lack the kitchen, bathroom and main hall, and those rooms are 75% complete. We worked mostly 15-hour days, but enjoyed the challenge.

It was good to get back to Deerfield, even if my freshly graveled driveway was a series of fresh ruts caused by storm water rushing off the hill.

And so, they headed west

In the best tradition of the Joad family in The Grapes of Wrath, Willie and I have loaded up every cubic inch of Aunt Judy's van and we're headed for the Vawter House in West Tennessee for two weeks of carpentry, painting and who knows what.

Several Vawter cousins are scheduled to meet me there. I'm curious to see how much work we get done, however, probably not as curious as Aunt Judy.

The van contains 75 gallons of paint, all my carpentry tools, ladders, scaffolding, 25 pounds of dog food, a blowup bed and my banjo. There's a bunch of other stuff which I won't need, unless, of course, I forgot to pack it.

This is the final push to get the house ready for the July 4th unveiling. After we complete the trim work and painting, the carpet installers and floor refinishers will come in to finish it off.

So, Deerfield Diary will be dark for a couple of weeks. Wish me luck and tight mitered corners.

Noble experiment -- vegetables from seeds

Most master gardeners -- a group in which I definitely do not include myself -- like to start their spring vegetables by planting seeds indoors instead of buying plants already started by a professional nursery.

I attempted seed germination this spring and made a few discoveries:

• Squash is a piece of cake. Even I can grow squash from seed.
• Don't even think about brussels sprouts. The seeds germinate in five days, shoot up like a rocket and then wither in one day.
• Tomato plants did surprisingly well, but they need to be transplanted into larger pots before they are moved to the garden.
• Peppers seem to be the hardest vegetable to start from seed.

The spring garden is mostly planted now, including sweet corn, okra, beets, early turnips, cucumber as well as my seeds starts. I'm also planting a fence row of gourds. Does anybody have an gourd recipes?